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...Hope and help for all persons in abusive relationships

Warning List

This list identifies a series of behaviors typically demonstrated by batterers and abusive people.  All of these forms of abuse - psychological, economic, and physical - come from the batterer's desire for power and control.  The list can help you recognize if you or someone you know is in a violent relationship.  Check off those behaviors that apply to the relationship.  The more checks on the page, the more dangerous the situation may be.

Emotional and Economic Attacks:

• Destructive Criticism/Verbal Attacks:  Name-calling; mocking; accusing; blaming; yelling; swearing; making humiliating remarks or gestures.
   

• Pressure Tactics:  Rushing you to make decision through "guilt-tripping" and other forms of intimidation; sulking; threatening to withhold money; manipulating the children; telling you what to do.
   

• Abusing Authority:  Always claiming to be right (insisting statements are "the truth"); bossing you around; making big decisions; using "logic."
   

• Disrespect:  Interrupting; changing topics; not listening or responding; twisting your words;  putting you down in front of other peoples; saying bad things about your friends and family.
   

• Abusing Trust:  Lying; withholding information; cheating on you; being overly jealous.
   

• Breaking Promises:  Not following through on agreements; not taking a fair share of responsibility; refusing to help with child care or housework.
   

• Emotional Withholding:  Not expressing feelings; not giving support, attention, or compliments; not respecting feelings, rights, or opinions.
   

• Minimizing, Denying & Blaming:  Making light of behavior and not taking your concerns about it seriously; saying the abuse didn't happen; shifting responsibility for abusive behavior; saying you caused it.
   

• Economic Control:  Interfering with your work or not letting you work; refusing to give you or taking your money; taking your car keys or otherwise preventing you from using the car; threatening to report you to welfare or other social service agencies.
   

• Self-Destructive Behavior:  Abusing drugs or alcohol; threatening suicide or other forms of self-harm; deliberately saying or doing things that will have negative consequences (e.g., telling off the boss).
   

• Isolation:  Preventing or making it difficult for you to see friends or relatives; monitoring phone calls; telling your where you can and cannot go.
   

• Harassment:  Making uninvited visits or calls; following you; embarrassing you in public; refusing to leave when asked.

Acts of Violence

• Intimidation:  Making angry or threatening gestures; use of physical size to intimidate; standing in doorway during arguments; out-shouting you; driving recklessly.
   

• Destruction:  Destroying your possessions (e.g., furniture); punching walls; throwing and/or breaking things.
   

• Threats:  Making and/or carrying out threats to hurt you or others.
   

• Sexual Violence:  Degrading treatment or discrimination based on your sex or sexual orientation; using force, threats or coercion to obtain sex or perform sexual acts.
   

• Physical Violence:  Being violent to you, your children, household pets or others: slapping; punching; grabbing; kicking; choking; pushing; biting; burning; stabbing; shooting, etc...
   

• Weapons:  Use of weapons, keeping weapons around which frighten you; threatening or attempting to kill you or those you love.
   

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