-Intimidation: Making angry or threatening gestures; use of physical size to intimidate; standing in doorway during arguments; out-shouting you; driving recklessly.
- Destruction: Destroying your possessions (e.g., furniture); punching walls; throwing and/or breaking things.- Threats: Making and/or carrying out threats to hurt you or others.
- Sexual Violence: Degrading treatment or discrimination based on your sex or sexual orientation; using force, threats or coercion to obtain sex or perform sexual acts.
- Physical Violence: Being violent to you, your children, household pets or others: slapping; punching; grabbing; kicking; choking; pushing; biting; burning; stabbing; shooting, etc.
- Weapons: Use of weapons, keeping weapons around which frighten you; threatening or attempting to kill you or those you love.
Please try to use a safer computer that someone abusive does not have direct or remote (hacking) access to
- If you think your activities are being monitored, they probably are. Abusive people are often controlling and want to know your every move.
- It is not possible to delete or clear all the “footprints" of your computer or online activities.
- You may want to keep using the monitored computer for innocuous activities, like looking up the weather. Use a safer computer to research an escape plan, look for new jobs or apartments.
- Email and Instant/Text Messaging (IM) are not safe or confidential ways to talk to someone about the danger or abuse in your life.
- Computers can store a lot of private information about what you look at via the Internet, the emails and instant messages you send, internet-based phone and IP-TTY calls you make, web-based purchases and banking, and many other activities.
- It might be safer to use a computer in a public library, at a trusted friend’s house, or an Internet Café
- Pressure Tactics: Rushing you to make decision through “guilt-tripping” and other forms of intimidation; sulking; threatening to withhold money; manipulating the children; telling you what to do.
- Abusing Authority: Always claiming to be right (insisting statements are “the truth”); bossing you around; making big decisions; using “logic.”
- Abusing Trust: Lying; withholding information; cheating on you; being overly jealous.
- Breaking Promises: Not following through on agreements; not taking a fair share of responsibility;
refusing to help with child care or housework.
- Emotional Withholding: Not expressing feelings; not giving support, attention, or compliments; not respecting feelings, rights, or opinions.
- Minimizing, Denying & Blaming: Making light of behavior and not taking your concerns about it seriously; saying the abuse didn’t happen; shifting responsibility for abusive behavior; saying you caused it.
- Self-Destructive Behavior: Abusing drugs or alcohol; threatening suicide or other forms of self-harm; deliberately saying or doing things that will have negative consequences (e.g., telling off the boss).
- Isolation: Preventing or making it difficult for you to see friends or relatives; monitoring phone calls; telling you where you can and cannot go.
- Harassment: Making uninvited visits or calls; following you; embarrassing you in public; refusing to leave when asked.
- Economic Control: Interfering with your work or not letting you work; refusing to give you or taking your money; taking your car keys or otherwise preventing you from using the car; threatening to report you to welfare or other social service agencies.
- Destructive Criticism/Verbal Attacks: Name-calling; mocking; accusing; blaming; yelling; swearing; making humiliating remarks or gestures.
- Disrespect: Interrupting; changing topics; not listening or responding; twisting your words; putting you down in front of other peoples; saying bad things about your friends and family.